I started writing this post weeks ago. It has been edited, re-written and abandoned in that time. Originally it was me looking at how the end of the year was really busy and how that seems to be a running theme/gag in my posts on social media/blogs/conversation. Unfortunately it just kept coming off as a pretentious prick talking about all the shit he was doing and then complaining about things he has no right to complain about.
That wasn’t my intent or how I feel, but it kept coming out that way.
In my 20’s I used to gage how well I was doing by how busy I was. I remember being in an acting class at the time and doing an exercise where we peeled away the layers of the day to become emotionally available to work and my big “reveal” was that I made myself “busy” just to make myself feel better. While age has helped me get passed that, I still suffer from “say-yes-syndrome.”
Say-Yes-Syndrome: A condition where you instinctively agree to do things when asked so long as you find them interesting, exciting or fun. This can lead to an additional condition called “over-commitment.’
Even when you have the best possible intentions, over-commitment usually means that something is going to suffer since it is impossible to give 100% to everything.
This year we did some really amazing things. Really cool things! Rene and I shot and performed more this year than we have in years! Fun Size Horror was a big hit! Through generosity and coincidence we were able to do some traveling. We helped run a film festival that was very well received. Some of my students launched real, full-blown careers this year! It was, really, a hell of a year! But, through it all, I feel like each of these events would have benefited from more focus and time. Maybe the outcomes wouldn’t be any different, it truly was a very successful year, but you can’t prove a negative and that means there will always be nagging thought.
I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions, see above as to why, but I think it’s appropriate this year to re-focus. This year I make a public declaration that I’m going to limit my commitments so I can really focus on the thing that we choose to do. This probably won’t make me any less busy, but I do feel that this will make what Rene and I choose to do that much more fulfilling and exciting.
Do you make resolutions? How was your year? Do you find yourself coming off as a pretentious prick when you write things occasionally? Let me know in the comments.
Happy New Year!